Raising a family while pursuing a career is tough enough. Add tending to aging parents to the equation and you’ve officially joined the “sandwich generation,” a mushrooming group squeezed by simultaneous responsibilities for elder and younger generations. And if you aren’t there yet, you may be soon.
As many as 13% of U.S. households with two or more people age 30 to 60 have two earners juggling responsibility for children, an aging parent, and a career, according to research by Margaret Neal and Leslie Hammer, professors at Portland State University in Oregon. With life expectancies on the rise, that percentage is likely to swell, putting more and more Americans up against sandwich-generation demands on time, money, and resources. But there are steps you can take to ease the strain.
Communicate. The time to talk with aging parents about such issues as long-term care insurance and medical care decisions is before, not during, a crisis. Understanding their needs, wishes, and financial situation can help all of you ork together toward a desirable future.
Share the load. Holding a family meeting can help you assign responsibilities—for everything from shuttling kids to after-school activities and parents to cardiologist appointments to ponying up for eldercare—so no one person shoulders the bulk of the burden. Parents may want to meet alone with each child to promote free discussion and then hold the family meeting. Consider how family members at a distance can pitch in with elderly parents, whether by paying for in-home help or simply making extended visits.
Be fiscally conscientious. Funding college savings plans and paying for nursing home care while still saving for retirement is a formidable challenge. It helps, of course, to get an early start on saving and investing, and it’s also essential to consider ways to protect your parents’ assets. A comprehensive financial and estate plan can keep you and your aging parents on track.
Tap outside resources. The local, state, and federal governments all offer elder- and childcare services and information, as do some religious and civic organizations. Many employers also provide assistance, ranging from flextime to family care programs that pay for in-home help. Seek out resources available in your area or workplace and take advantage of the help they offer.
Gather essential information. Work with your parents to prepare a personal data record—a document listing essential financial, legal, and medical information. Having a health-care directive, for example, is of little use if no one knows where it is and what it says. A personal data record should include information about bank accounts, investment holdings, insurance policy numbers and company names, wills, durable powers of attorney, medical care documents, and professional financial advisors. And be sure family decision makers and your advisors know where to find the documents.
Take care of yourself. Finally, you’ll be in no shape to care for children and elderly parents if you don’t make your own well-being a priority, too. With so much to be done, caregivers often hesitate to take time for themselves. But relentlessly pushing yourself out of a sense of obligation to others will inevitably sap your energy—and your ability to do what needs to be done. So nurture yourself as well as your family members. You’ll be better equipped to meet all those other emotional, financial, and logistical challenges.
